Phreedom

Hey there, Phin phans. Dustin here to report on what Phin's first trip back home was like.

At some point during the hospital stay that just ended, when I was mired in one of my grimmer moods, I asked Phin if there was anything he really wanted to do when he got discharged between chemo rounds. 

"Imagine you could do anything you wanted," I said. "What would you do?" 

Phin rattled off a list of things he wanted to do once he was out, and it included many things he was already doing: watching cartoons, eating snacks, and playing with animal toys. He said he wanted to see his sisters, puppy, and parakeet. He said he wanted to sleep in his bed again. 

(There was also something on his list about going into a cave, but that got revised after he considered that the cave might be populated by vampire bats, which he respects as part of Nature but finds unnerving nonetheless. So I don't think the cave thing is still a go.)

Anyway, Phin knocked out most of his week-at-home to-do list within the first two hours. 

He reunited with his sisters and introduced them to his new animal toys and showed them his new books and puzzles. He received lots of hugs and snuggles from Av. He also received some hugs and snuggles from Obi, as well as one swift punch to the mouth because apparently a month in the hospital was all it took to make him forget that it's best never to mess around with Obi, and that just because he has leukemia doesn't mean he gets to hog all the good Legos.

The pet reunion went okay. Lunaberry the parakeet greeted Phin with a barrage of tweets that either meant "Welcome home, Phin!" or "Seeds! Seeds! Seeds!" Probably the former, I would think. Sundae the puppy was kind of lukewarm about Phin's sudden reappearance. Neesha thinks it's because I put too much pressure on them both beforehand, hyping the moment when they were going to be reunited to the point that they could never possibly live up to the expectations. I suggested that Sundae probably feels like  Watson felt in that Sherlock episode when Sherlock comes back home after faking his death and expects everyone to pretend like it was no big deal. Other people suggested that Phin probably smells like straight up toxic waste to Sundae now, with the scent of chemo seeping out of his pores and what's left of his hair, so she's probably confused about that. Anyway, it was weird at first, but they're mostly cool now.  

He got to sleep in his own bed again. 

Phin also played with my mom, Gran, who came from Missouri to help us, tagging in for Neesha's parents and brother, who helped us for the first month. He played in the hammock in the backyard. He and his sisters had a water balloon fight where he had "water balloon immunity" due to his need to keep his bandages dry, so he couldn't get hit but he could throw, which is basically the best water balloon situation imaginable. They all made s'mores over the fire pit. He attended a popsicle stand fundraiser and played at the playground with Jamie, his friend who set it up. He got to hang out with his friend Toussaint. He got to see his sister's final soccer practice (and the final practice of the soccer team from which he had to resign back in March). He slid down the steps on those foam nugget pads and rode his bike around the neighborhood looking for frogs and bugs and made little boats out of sticks and leaves and set them adrift in the lake like the admiral of a tiny sylvan fleet in the dappled spring light under the magnolia that grows by the southern bank.  

Aside from going back to school (which he desperately wanted to do but couldn't, due to his severely immuno-compromised state), he spent his week at home doing things he would normally be doing if none of this cancer stuff had happened to him at all. 

But the main thing Phin wanted to do when he got out of the hospital was to go back to his favorite hangout, Oatland Island Wildlife Center, which sits a mere eight miles from his hospital room, but remained as unreachable as the moon to someone who is tethered to an IV pole and who constantly has to sit still for vitals checks. 

This week, Phin returned at last to Oatland Island Wildlife Center. Multiple times. With multiple relatives in tow. We packed him into his old BOB stroller because his hiking game isn't quite as strong as it used to be yet. He remembered all the animals (and many of the trees) from his untold dozens of previous visits, but he was amazed at some of the changes since he last went there in February, particularly in the cougar cubs, Rainier and Olympia, whom he says have "gotten big" since he last saw them. 

Phin made many observations as we walked the trails through the marshland and forest. I'll return to those in another post. My main takeaway was that this four-year-old cancer patient, who spent the previous 36 days mostly indoors in the same room, was delighted to be back outside in this special place where he feels comfortable, safe, and free, playing and spending time in the company of animals, many of whose voices and names he knows. 

He used this place to process his experience and to help him locate himself in it. 

"Do Wahoohoo's voice," Phin said when we reached the enclosure of the center's famous barred owl, whose name is Wahoohoo. 

I cleared my throat and prepared to do the voice. "The voice" is always just my regular voice with whatever that animal's sound is, repeated twice at the beginning and the end of their dialogue line, like quotation marks--a speech tag system that works great except for when it's an animal without a recognizable sound, like a bunny or a gopher tortoise. 

"Hoo! Hoo! Phin, it's so nice to see you! Where've you been? I haven't seen you in a really long time. Hoo! Hoo!" I said.

"It's nice to see you, too, Wahoohoo," Phin said. "I've been in the hospital. I'm really sick." 

"Hoo! Hoo! Oh no, I'm sorry to hear that, Phin, but you must be feeling better because you came to see me. Hoo! Hoo!" 

 "Yeah, I'm feeling better, but I have to go back to the hospital soon. Wahoohoo, did you know there's an opossum living next to you now?" 

"Hoo! Hoo! An opossum? I thought it was a pair of screech owls! Hoo! Hoo!"

"Nope," said Phin. "There's an opossum in there now. Bye, Wahoohoo. We have to go see the alligators."

"Hoo! Hoo! Get well soon, Phin! Will come to see me again next time you're out of the hospital? Hoo! Hoo!"

 "Okay! I will!" Phin called over his shoulder.

And down the path we went, stopping at each enclosure to have these conversations, with Phin telling each creature about his sickness and each one offering him comfort and reassurance in a voice that sounds exactly like mine (but bracketed by Old MacDonald-style animal noises), with Phin explaining his new life in the hospital and the animals listening and asking him questions, and with Phin eventually telling them all goodbye, and with them all making him promise to come back and see them again soon.