Units Phin received of blood: 2
Of platelets: 1
Consecutive days of chemotherapy: 8
Sedations: 1
Spinal taps: 1
Biopsies: 1 Bone marrow aspirations: 1
Bandage changes: 5
Ratio of bandage changes requested/assisted by Phin to unrequested/unassisted: 2:3
Days since Phin began announcing that he wants to grow up to be a zookeeper and a nurse: 25 Factor by which Phin's arsenal of "snake prank snakes" has increased since Round One: 2
Phin's victories to losses in his Orange Juice Challenge, where he must swallow all of his medicine before his opponent can drink one serving of orange juice from the hospital cafeteria: 17-1
Phin's nurses' OJ Challenge victories to losses: 1-17
Number of times Neesha or Dustin has defeated either Phin or any nurse in this challenge: 0
Number of times Dustin probably would have won had he not started laughing and had orange juice spurt out of his nose: 1
Number of days since Phin was readmitted to Savannah Children's Hospital's pediatric specialties unit without workplace phincident: 0
Minutes between Phin picking up a Flamin’ Hot Nacho Dorito chip, taking one small bite, and deciding he didn't want it: 16
Average heart rate reading on Dustin's watch when Phin is zooming around the hallways of the Children’s Hospital of Savannah: 105 bpm
Approximate number of minutes each week that Phin spends watching Paw Patrol: 66
Approximate number of minutes per Paw Patrol episode that Dustin spends wondering whether outfitting a small team of puppies with military grade vehicles and equipment would be more cost effective on a municipal budget than staffing various emergency services departments and paying dozens of employees’ insurances and pensions, and also wondering whatever happened to the people who used to do those jobs before the puppies arrived: 2
Number of visits to the playground consumed by Phin's favorite game--riding around and screaming while his visitors throw foam or rubber balls at him: 12
Number of occasions when someone from the Children's Hospital has come out and said "Stop throwing balls at that cancer kid, you monsters": 0
Factor by which playground sightings of house finches outnumbered those of northern cardinals: 5
Factor by which playground sightings of Carolina anoles outnumbered those of green tree frogs: 6
Number of Carolina anoles that Phin discovered while they were in flagrante delicto: 2
Incidents in which Dustin evoked "The Circle of Life" to explain something that was never even mentioned by a character in The Lion King: >1
Percentage of internet logins in which Dustin reflexively thought that the man pictured on the hospital guest access landing page looks like he is in the midst of reconsidering all his life choices because whatever he's dealing with is far beyond anything medical school prepared him for: 100%
Less than 1% is AMAZING. Way to geaux, Phin's system! Keep up the great work so you can kiss that cancer all the way goodbye, buddy!
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